Innocent, Naïve Souls Processed.

“7.35am to 1.00pm , 1.35pm to 6.35pm” Rinnnnnnggggggggg!

Cries of 7 years old, eyes of watchful parents, lunchbox, school money 50 cents? 80 cents?, canteen aunty uncles with fierce looks, school buses, junk food, haunted toilets, canes, physical education, Vitagen & Milk ordering are merely thoughts we could recall during our days of primary education. Fears, anxiety exerts the feeling we have rather than joyful moments as most of the pupils of Malaysian Education are bulk with torrential bags filled with text books, homework which are measured in Tons! But these are the things that we ponder most from our childhood education where all we do is “Bangun Pagi, Gosok Gigi, Minum Susu….”. All we need to do is make sure we attend class and do exams, apa susah!

“You Monsters, Keep Quiet!”, “Good Morning Class”, “Can I have your homework handed to the front of the line”, “Take out your hand!”, are merely quotes that we are frequently bombarded with. Those whom have failed to adhere to any of the above quotes are subject to severe punishment. Kids let me introduce to you the torture to you for the next 6 years, The Rottan (High quality, durable, environmental friendly product and comes in assorted sizes, usually found in Pasar Malam, best used on thick skin lazy students “hand and buttocks are usual favourite spots but not restricted to!”) 9/10 of us and have taste the feel of this incredible creation of mankind, and the 1/10 is either a drop out, or has highly sensitive skin and prescribe by the doctor that is not fit to be cane “impossible laaa”! So let me see, my record of canes was 20 hits on the buttocks for not passing up ANY of my Art Work for the whole Standard 4. Yes it was in September that than, so I had to go home subsequently and made Chinese New Year Cards, Draw topics related to Merdeka Celebration, Hari Raya and Things of the past, How irrelevant is that! Kena Cane already still have to do, thus lesson is “Thick Skin So what”!

Social competition such as Cleanest Class Competition, Dirtiest Class Announcement was than introduced to our senseless mind, Cooommmon how many of you all actually mop the floor when you are 7-9 years old. When mopping means flooding the class, arranging tables represents building of fortress “Pssst.. anyone experience Accidentally pulling up a girls skirt while turning the chair upside down”, the Blackboard wiping sprint, and Most Horribly the Window Pane Wiping, this are chores done DAILY. I only wipe my window once a year, and I don’t put my chair upside down at home! Imagine turning the Sofa Upside down on your Glass Coffee Table and break it. Singing Competition, Story Telling Competition, have you represented your class before? Where is our Stevie Wonder and Mariah Carey? Hey common, we are watching American Idol and it was a talent search, we also have talent search watttt!! during our Primary Days! But how many of those Gold Winners ended up producing albums and acted in Blockbuster movie.

Than we are introduced with the Days, Teacher Day, Children Day, Sports Day, and most importantly Schoooool Holidays! Those days than always have Nothing to do with books & 35 minutes of boring teachings, we used to love those days don’t we. Don’t get me wrong, I Still love those days and still hoping….praying… that the Government of Malaysia appreciate our Gifted Teacher, Future Malaysian Idol, Akademi Fantasia and Olympic Players and declare a public holiday over it! My reason you might ask, simple…. I am a Malaysian!

How about games, missing the game of 1-2 zoom (Still widely use as a tiebreaker these days), Guli (That speaks of how we got Gold for Lawn Bowl at the Commonwealth), Police & Thief (Potential industrial players), Galah Panjang (Snatch thief problem), Chopping (Violent!), Pepsi-Cola (Ankle breaking contest & Used widely in soccer games), are only some I could thought of those innocent days, and NOW you all tell me who say we are CHILDISH!. Free things we get during our days like dental, badminton and basketball court are a thing of the past which many did not appreciate than. Shame on You! Now go to a dental, they charge you! Go Book a badminton court, they charge you! Did I tell enough to make you miss the fun days?

Favorites of all, the Canteen! 50 cent a bowl of Mee Curry or Soup? 10 cent to a buck for an ice cream? How about Mamees that taste better in those days! 20 minutes, we manage to gallop down a hot bowl of mee, have a keropok, and eat an ice cream? Wow, we are definitely in for another Malaysia Guniness Book Of Records. The question is, than why do we need 1 hour to eat now? People tell you 20 minutes eat and go back to work, we tell him, You Crazy, This Soup is Hot You Know! Did our heat resistant drop? Or are we gonna give them the reason of indigestion, and recommend the government to extend the recess time of the kids at school? We used to run to canteen to line up for food, but why don’t you all run to the hawker stalls now? No wonder Malaysian are getting obese! Remember the last time you met a primary mate, and you gave him/her the look and say “Wow, good life la you! Prosper so much already!” and when we turn back, we tell our mates/boy/girlfriends, He damn Fat Already, last time he is very skinny you know! Argh Malaysian!

Nothing seems an obstacle to 12 years old and below, till primary 6. The ultimate test UPSR where still send a chill up the spines of many 12 years old (Do they still have that thing now? And How Many of You all still remember, what does UPSR Stand for?). That is when the term “Burning Midnight Oil” came relevant, but nahh I didn’t study hard. 2A 2B 2Cs was the grades, I liked them mixed.

“The Aunty Smart Daughter got Straight As! You know, So Smart la her!” says your mom. Boring Boring Boring, but did she excel in computer games! I did!

“I know how to Operate a computer, mummy you don’t know, so I smarter than you is it!” Of course I didn’t say that!

The moment I walk off my last day of Primary School (SRJK © Puay Chai) I am sure I was heavy hearted, best friends (How Many of Us Still Hold It Together, I do.. Ray till today we are still good friends), farewell day, emotional pupils merely made we walk faster out of the building I accommodate for the past 2190 days (including weekends and school holidays).

So how many of you have read and felt the sentiments of our childhood?

“Slap!!!” get to work la!! Think so much, you think I pay you to direct “Back to the Future is it”

.: Nothing Much :.

Kind of tired of everyday's life lately... Live like a programmed human basically everyday. Doing the same thing on weekdays, something to look forward to on the weekend though. However, it just feels kind of demotivating and feeling like finding some excitement that possibly could ignite the fire again.. I used to look forward to a new day..

I... what else can I complain about? Just feel like something's missing and I don't know what it is..

And I don't know how should I tell..

.: Festive Hurricane :.

The greatest festival of the year for every Chinese is getting to its end, finally. No don't get me wrong, I ain't complaining. Nonetheless it has acting like a hurricane yearly for me and my family. We prepared (TRY to be fully prepared) awaiting for its arrival & we bend and curl, adjusting ourselves when it's attacking, and tidy up the mess after the storm. . . .

I'm just saying it's always a busy period of time for us during CNY. =P

Visited respective folks of my family in Seremban for the 1st day, chatted and catching up mostly in areas like "How are you?" "Where are you working?" "Where have you been?", "Wow you are so grown up already!", exchanging/update phone numbers and so on.

Up we go to the North on the 2nd day, Teluk Intan, my mom's. Again the same thing repeated but just in a different dialect :) However I'm happy to see my cousins Angie and Nick again.

Journey's split on the 3rd day - Parents went further up to Penang and brother & I were back to KL because I was going to Cameron Highland with KeeYin and friends on the 4th day.

The trip to Cameron Highland was a pleasant one. Put aside the gas from vehicles and the flies which I most believe they are clinging to the fertilizer and got us all so busy chasing them away while eating, it was pretty OK. It wasn't cold like I expected, but the clear sky has got me brighten up. Very nice indeed especially when we were at the Boh Tea Farm. The night market is nothing I can complain about, crowded but offering enough. I guess the vege and fruits aren't so much cheaper than KL, or 2 to 3 times fresher but you just can't help buying some to bring back home. :) Thx to a friend of a friend who brought us to flower farm and vege farm. Quite an experience to ride on a Land Rover (Rather a jeep) to go the farms, trying to grab hold of it while getting bumpy along the road with 10++ friends -- some standing, some sitting & some squatting at the back of it. Hehe... Some pics to share.. :

Taken at a flower farm, orchids all around :)

Plugging capsicum hehehehe

Back to KL on the 6th day of CNY(Friday), only at night. Tired but fulfilled I greeted my parents and updated each other what we'd missed. Mom has become the representative to collect red packets for me Muahahahah!

The weekend was spent visiting and got visited. Luckily there's still time for me to rest and charged for the new week to come, yeah, back to work. Still in the mood of CNY though. =P

And argh gained few pounds during the process ... :P So gotta shake the extra inches and pounds off now.....

.: Dark at first, Bright at last :.

Sharing with her are his thoughts after years of sailing vulnerably in the sea. Rusty the skin has become whilst grinding his teeth over waves and storms that took no mercy on a young heart. Survived through it he leaves no selfish space in between them after meeting this soul, this voice, this body and this mind. Holding her close to him, words whispered is harsh to her ears. Nonetheless his heart by its nature only wants the best protection for her, to know what he's been through that words from his mouth could be so detached with his age. There is so much he wants her to see!

She was doubtful of his intention. A different love he's pouring is none that she's used to seeing. Making herself to step out from her glass house to chase after this sailor now she stoned on the same spot. Behind her are words that constructed her all these years; Words ahead of her are provocative enough to provoke her cocoon. She doubts if he ever wanted is for her to be like him, or any shadow that he hungers in the dark. Heart trembles, tears are shed, questions going around about in her mind confusing her isn't she the package he treasures?

Yet all he ever wanted is to share and locking her close to his heart. Purely he gives, unselfishly he shares. All he wished is for her to unwind the defensive and look beyond what's inline. A blunt mind reserves no room for the sky that is wider, for the ocean that is deeper and bluer, and for the breeze that is soother. Foreseeing the storms will be vicious as it always be, the journey of one is seemingly lonely. Hearts bind, she is willing for a renovation that breaks none of her beliefs but reducing the friction of edges formed over years. What's encouraging her is merely the hope he has in them, and she wants to change for better. Not as easy as it seems, she knows she'll always be reminded.

.: Time to get busy :.

Was assigned a new project to work on lately and heck the time line is tight! What's lucky is we've got a technical consultant to seek advices from. His sample codes have really helped a lot. Pressure comes from understanding the codes and use them on my own, which is quite a challenge because basically I just cant do it without understanding what's the code doing! Working on it and hopefully I can meet the time line.

Was quite stressful yesterday as was stuck in the middle and don't know what was I doing -- that's the most stressful when you don't know what you should do to solve the problem. So went home late and sweated it out, ended up only had dinner at 9pm. But it felt better.

He's back tomorrow. =) That's enough to bring a big grin on my face.

.: A life after it :.

After the clouds are clear, the sun seems shinier than any other days. Hope is reinstalled upon a realization after much of a pondering over time. Smiles are found again on the faces, Love is seen again in the eyes of the beholder and Passion is flamed upon anticipation unleashed from the confiner.

It just feels so great to come out from it. She sees herself in the mist of the past, the shadow she has no intention for abolishment but allow it to become a warning for herself to never turn back to be.

On the other side of it stands the reception of a warm & loving heart. Trust herself it is the heart she shall be chasing after. A self she's now carries a different view on the valuable kinship, not because of all the unashamed show offs; But how the heart makes her see themselves in a path that is unpredictable yet planned in a name of future. Companionship & togetherness she now feels are the inspiration the heart instills onto her. A desirous hope for eternity which she never thought is realistic in the pacing cruelty world somehow lurking in her mind.

Beautiful & Inspirational, that is.

.: All My Life :.

Dedicated to someone special.. Words in the song says how I feel, hoping it to be All My Life.

A great love song, isn't it? :)

Artist: K-C & Jojo
Song: All My Life
Album: Love Always

Baby (x11)

I'm So Glad...

I Will Never Find Another Lover
Sweeter Than You
Sweeter Than You
And I Will Never Find Another Lover
More Precious Than You
More Precious Than You
Girl You Are..
Close To Me You're Like My Mother,
Close To Me You're Like My Father,
Close To Me You're Like My Sister,
Close To Me You're Like My Brother
And You Are The Only One My Everything
And For You This Song I Sing....

All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
And I Thank God
That I..That I Finally Found You
All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
And I Hope That You Feel The Same Way Too
Yes, I Pray That You Do Love Me Too

I'd Send You All That I'm Thinking Of........Baby

Said I Promise To Never Fall In Love With A Stranger
You're All I'm Thinking Of
I Praise The Lord Above
For Sending Me Your Love
I Cherish Every Hug
I Really Love You

All My Life (Ohhhh..Baby, Baby)
I Prayed For Someone Like You
And I Thank God
That I...That I Finally Found You
All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
And I Hope That You Feel The Same Way Too
Yes, I Pray That You Do Love Me Too

You're All That I Ever Know,
When You Smile All My Face Always Seems To Glow,
You Turned My Life Around,
You Picked Me Up When I Was Down,
You're All That I've Ever Known,
When You Smile My Face Glows
You Picked Me Up When I Was Down
Say...You're All That I've Ever Known
When You Smile My Face Glows
You Picked Me Up When I Was Down
And I Hope That You
Feel The Same Way Too
Yes, I Pray That You Do Love Me Too

And All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
And I Thank God
That I..That I Finally Found You
All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
Yes, I Pray That You Do Love Me Too

All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
And I Thank God
That I ..That I Finally Found You
All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
Yes, I Pray That You Do Love Me Too

(Fading)
And All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
And I Thank God That I...That I Finally Found You.....

.: Happy 2007!! :.

So it came! Finally.

How was your new year's eve? I was away from KL, away from the noisy, congested, filthy city and hopped myself into a small, cozy, warm, jolly town of Malacca. I can say after so many years, I be on a trip to somewhere for a special occassion as such. :) Good feeling! Rejuvenate myself before beginning another year of hassles. It was a fun and soul fulfilling trip! And of course spending it with my love one means much more! Wishfully we'll have more trips in the coming years. :) Can't forget to mention we've got good companies along the trip -- a lovely couple who're easy going. Hope they too had a great time!

Uploaded are some photos of my trip after getting them from my friends. Happy new year everyone! And all the best in everything you do and wanna do!

@ Puri hotel, playing with the old-fashioned phone, it's working by the way ;)

@ the ice blend shop with KeeYin, he was having the durian ice kacang. It was too rich in taste, didnt quite like it. Ended up we couldn't finish it. Lol.

Standing with the aboriginal model @ the Jonker Street. "He" is indeed very dirty :P

Standing on the stairs walking up to a museum of which I'd forgotten about the name =.="

Now look, canon! hahahaha! Historical tourist spot of Malacca.

Back from the walking, took this at hotel garden. A very nice hotel indeed!

At night, we went to have this satay lok-lok, and we had to queue nearly for an hour for a table! Gosh.. but worth it. We spent nearly an hour to enjoy our dinner too muahahahha!

Back to the hotel before going out for the count down, as I said the hotel is nice, I like the chairs and the deco of the building. It's really ancient and gothic, classy ;)

A very nice trip I've had :) Must admit I played till getting lazy to work :P

.: My Xmas :.

Started on 23rd.. continue on 24th, ended on 25th, or 26th :)
Been having a long Xmas this year, full of blessing and cherishing moments.

An elegant, romantic night I had on 23rd. Sitting at the restaurant with my dearly, nibbling on crusines and found a little space of peace and romance which we could have in the middle of the congested air of KL. I'm glad we made it a night to remember.

taken @ delta. Lovely :)

Been to Justin Lo concert on 24th. A great way to spend for Christmas eve!! The ambience, the crowd, the song, the perfomance, nothing is left regretful about! He is indeed a very talented singer & writer. Nice voice, BIG voice. There were a few moments which I just melted into his voice.

before the count down, enjoying the singing

After the count down, happening !!!

on 25th, had a pot luck party at Yin's house. I was feeling uneasy the whole day, blamed it to the oysters I had on 23rd I guess. Food poisoning? But I only threw up, no bowel. I dont know. My stomach was acting up and I felt like I'd spoiled the night. Took med to stop vomitting and had some food later of the night, and I threw up everything I consumed. What a night.

On 26th Boxing Day, today, forgot to get a friend's Xmas prezzie and we hope it ain't too late :P Well it's all about boxes of prezzie after Christmas aint it?

Okay, now, Bye bye Christmas - such a short but memorable, cherished & full of blessings season; And Welcome 2007! Let the count down begins!!

.: Xmas!!! :.

Here it is !!!! Been waiting since the beginning of the year and now 2006 is saying goodbye in a jolly and merry way! Been going around the blocks to check out the Christmas decoration and I'd collected some pics for my hunt. Using my K750i to snap I guess it wont be better than using a high quality camera but who cares!!!

Midvalley Candy House!!!



KLCC Xmas Tree!


Neway at One Utama :)


Sunway Pyramid & Sunway Resort Hotel tour ! heehehe




There are a few more places I've yet to visit! Will post more when I'd collected them!
Merry Christmas everyone! My Christmas starts today!!

Acquaintance of Jae to Share

"An acceptance yearned from each other led to the beginning of a brand new meaning of my Journey." A Journey that would lead to a self-proclaim state of serenity, with the path left lingering upon on all imaginations on this acceptance yearned.

My honour to share with readers of this Blog the lifelyhood & likelihood of a new path set upon. Let the opportunity of silence flow through Christmas & a Brand New Year of 2007.

Wishing all of you, a Blessed Christmas and a pleasent New Year to hope, treasure and imagine beyond.

.: A company along the path of life :.

Introducing ..... a company that I call for my own into my sanctuary.

An acceptance yearned from each other led to the beginning of a brand new meaning of my journey.

Quote from his recent writing --
"A livelihood of men;

An inspiration of love;

A vision to portray upon;

A hope for the years to come."

A great painter of his own, I wonder when he will start his painting on the wall. And I shall be awaiting. :)

.: What card are you? :.

Seen a few of my friends' blogs are having something like this, so I played too and this is who I am from the test. Hmmmm.....

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Go try it out :)

.: Couldn't ask for more than this..... :.

Christmas songs playing all over the mall while I went shopping .. The decorations that are unique in each mall has really brought everybody into the mood for Christmas and New Year. Looking at for a day of celebration it made people to prepare it a month before hand -- a feeling of overwhelm sweep me off my feet. It's that time of the year again. :)

I browsed through my archive and found an entry which I wrote what I've done in year 2005 and the changes I had in that year. Should I do it again for this year. It was a huge change in 2006, which ended rather regretful but, beautifully. Every year I hope I do better, try to impress more people than to disappoint them .. however life isn't such perfect and in a way I want it to be. Things happen, shit happened, and we move on taking it a lesson we learned along the pace. Grew alot in this year, seen alot too. "Life gets better" - when it was my lowest point in life, pissing myself off and questioning the kind of a person I am, someone said that to me. For my theme of "Life is a treasure, live it to the fullest" and "be ALIVE while you're alive", it does make an impact by stopping me to continuously think negatively and take a step forward. Stopping at the same spot does no good to myself. Who doesn't want a life to be remembered and meaningful to ownself, at least? Regretful as it is for things that happened, sorry as it is for people I'd turned down.. I am grateful that I am still valued by many. Utmostly I mean alot to someone, Couldn't ask for more than this..

Tend to think back alot during this time of the year.. I'm glad I still will take a break and think about it. Reviewing myself. Have I given enough? Have I contributed enough? Have I showed the people who are valuable to me how much I value them? Have I done the things I should to achieve something in life?

Things been changing since I started to open up and show my feelings to the people I care about. The most odvious are my family members and meeting with new faces. Dad has been softer and open up to chats and caring. Mom has been talking to me, even I came home late, a little chat does help to understand each other better and thus the love for each other gains. I try to take out time and really listen, be attentive to them while I still have the chance. Brother has been sharing his stuff to me too. I realize by taking the 1st step is really nothing to lose BUT to feel even greater. I sure hope I am dear to them in anyway. The same attitude I carry onto meeting new friends, and I feel so good having the smiles in return. The same attitude I carry onto my own friends, just to let them know I do care about them and love them much. Giving, not in a form of cash/presents, is something even harder to do because people don't open up... but why not?

I dont even know if the things I wrote making any sense to you :) Just some thoughts that crop up during working hr and yes I am writing away while working. LOL. And thought of expressing it while still in the mood :P Been valued much by a particular individual lately and yes I feel like.... Couldn't ask for anything more than this.. He gives me courage and support to think further in life of how I want it to be - achievement in career, achievement in family, achievement in r'ship. He gives me courage & boldness to even hope that he'll be there in my future --- this, I've never ever have a feeling like this before -- the feeling of wanted & treasured, and feel like giving the same in return. How promising and touching it is when the someone you really love and hope to have for life includes you into his future plans, can you see how much he values and loves you?

Used to think it's silly when talking about future in a relationship... perhaps it is the insecurity I felt last time. Didnt even think how future will be with the person I was being with. "Dont even know if we could still be together for another year...." I used to have a feeling like this.

And now, he who is certain touched my heart when he visualized his plans and how we can do it together hand in hand. It is a feeling of certainty. A feeling of togetherness. A feeling of acceptance. A feeling of belonging. A feeling of no matter what happens we will pass it if not gracefully, at least not alone. Looking into his eyes while he was talking about it, I can't help but doubting do I deserve this. Wanted to just slap myself to make sure it isn't a dream.

I just hope it lasts me for a life time..

I guess I'd found my constant wishes for Christmas this year and many years of it to come :)

.: After a while :.

Been nagged by people for some updates as the one that is topping now isn't quite a good one.. So alright I'm doing it now.

Lazing on Wednesday night after a fun time gaming at the PC, guess it feels good to write something for my own.

Life's changed since then, been going out quite often and enjoying it. Life gets better, right? I'm glad that I have a new company who's been there thru ups and downs. Couldn't complain anymore :) Especially during the holiday season where everywhere is overwhelmed with joy and blessings. To the right you see couple walking by hand in hand; to the left you see kids running around begging mommy for some presents; turn again you see friends hanging out around the Christmas decorations at the malls.... It makes you think life couldn't get better than any of these. :) And it makes you feel like just wanna dip your head into your love one and feel the pamper coming from him. I'm thinking what to buy for my love ones this year. My brother has already got the presents and now hiding them under my desk because he's scared my parents will find out what he bought for them. I"m asking him to bring those upstairs to his room.. lol. Our Christmas tree is set up -- half way. LOL! Lacking some lights and deco stuffs. Will get more in the coming days and make it the niciest one!

Work doesnt get better.. I can foresee the pressure coming, most probably next year as everybody is in holiday mood now, even my managers. So alright I'll get what's on my hands done and celebrate Christmas & New Year, and come back work like a cow, and anticipating the holidays for CNY.. .. And work again, and wait for the next holiday.. Life eh?

Of course it isn't just about that ! Gain and treasure the fruits after all the hard work! So I'm planning to have oversea holiday next year. What I have in mind is Bali. Family is planning to go to Beijing around Sept of 2007 so I hope we can make it :) gotta work hard and save well to fulfill my interest of life :) Can't get enuff from travelling as there's always something exciting that you never know ;)

Will post some pics here.. Been to Shogun at 1 Utama last weekend and my bro and I treated my parents a buffet dinner there.. Self portrait some pics with my silly bro hahaha!

Ok.. guess it's quite an updated post? See ya guyzz.. take very good care of yourself !

.: Some updates :.

I know that this is gonna be a very long entry.. As there is something I need to tell my friends who's been frequently visiting to my blog..

Ended with my relationship 2-3 weeks ago. I know now opening it up seems to be obscene even maybe offensive to somebody but I guess it's the phase of life I've gotta face. And this is phase of life that I've gone through. And so I would like you, my friend, to know about it.

It's not easy. I'm not gonna bitch about how hard I felt though yeah I lost a few kgs through a weekend becoz of gastric reacting as I lost appetite to eat. I gave up the relationship becoz I found out there're things which we cant see eye to eye at. There is something I cant find the bonding with. there is something we dont have in common.... Age is.. something.. Always there is something to me. I'd bluffed myself that we can get over it as time goes by. And so as time goes by, finally I found out I just cant get over it. And thus I hurt him directly unintentionally. I'd also hurt myself through out. Relationship is not something you can take to experience with (but if you never try, you never know, so does devil speak.) I'm so selfishly taking it for myself and this guilt has never subside because I am guilty in experiencing it. I made up my mind and my heart to break it knowing it causes more pain in the future than now. I am now gradually hoping what I'm learning now helps to fade the guilt I'm having...

I thought I should have accepted all the punishments that God thinks I should for hurting another soul. Yet God sends me another angel. I am not gonna deny that there is a new hope in my life now. And this time as I learned my lesson very well, I eagerly dont want to step into any relationship in a rush. The angel that God sends has taught me very well about patience and understanding. He has taught me very well what I should be looking for in a relationship. The bonding, the admiration, the respect, the understanding, the maturity... all these are essential in a relationship. Love alone, is not sufficient.

I know relationships is something I find it for myself for the rest of my life. It is the decision I'm gonna make for myself. I've been advised for I wonder how many times from my close ones, I've been scolded... But, I still think there is hope for me. I'm not wrong in choosing whom I wanna be with for my entire life. Shall I be with somebody just because I will feel utterly guilty for leaving him? Shall I be with somebody just because I'm used to having him? Or shall I be with somebody whom I love with my entire heart and for him alone for the rest of my life?

I'm a devil as I hurt people's heart. I'm not good. I dont know if I'll ever deserve someone better. But there he is standing there with open arms. I know I should cherish.. And how I'm doing it is just to hold on and not bump my head blindly again to it. Because I value too much of this angel that God sent.

As for my health.. except losing few kgs, food poisoning added up to it that causes me to lose another few kgs that I'm now at my lowest weight level ever. I now weight 48 kg. Happy it is but it also causes people to worry. :) For a food lover as me, I'm sure I'll gain back.

To my babe Daniel, Zoe and Wendy. I miss you all very much. When things happen I just wish I can hold you all and cry over it. Pls do update me how are you now. I can always know how's Dan is doing by vising to his blog. Zoe and Wendy, Wendy especially, I worry to the utmost about you. I'm sorry I didnt find time to catch up with you. But I always have you in my mind and heart.

Zoe and Eric, thank you for accompanying me through my hardest moment. Your comments are much appreciated and considerable :) Thank you for supporting me no matter what shit and how bad is the shit that I've got myself into.

Havent I shared with you my lovely cousin sister pics? Her name is Crystal and she's just a heartthrob. She's 2 years old now. Learning to speak. A very naughty girl but she's irresistable :) I'm sure you'll love her when you meet her :) Here are some pics to share with you all.

taken a day at her house, I have no idea what's the animal hat she's wearing :)

Then, here are some pics taken on her 2 year old birthday :)

Here is a pic that is taken much earlier ... I think she's 1 year plus at that time. Isn't she a beauty :)

Now these 2 are taken lately.. naughty as she always is !

That's it for now guys.

.: Holidays end :.

Argh... at last it came to an end.. 5 days of rest, how much have you done? I must admit I got to spend sometime having fun.. Been to movie at night on Monday night; and sing karaoke on Tuesday; and I went to pick up my mom on Wed.. Hmm so I guess I didnt waste any days of it hehe.

"Frost bite" is the movie I watched on Monday night. It's a swedish film and it's about vampire. I would say being an horror movie it made me laughed watching.. So, it wasn't scary.. Hahahhaa I got the tickets free that's why I went to watch it.. Else.. I dont think I'll buy the tickets on purpose.. Hehehe

Tuesday karaoke session is the best time during the holiday. It was about 8 of us.. And we really sang our lungs out. So tired after it. But no regret calling these fellas going. I laughed alot during singing because they are just sooo happening and funny!! I can see they enjoyed themselves much too! Hahah next time I'm gonna call them out again for karaoke!!!

How many of you will tell the truth when blogging? I believe something still need to be reserved in myself while blogging.. because.. it's not my private own blog. Everyone of you can view it. I guess my little reservation is not so bad anywayz.. I don't know.. I've seen a friend who's just saying everything out. I admire his braveness. :) maybe someday I can be like one too

.: A trip to recharge :.

Been away to Cherating for the past weekend. Went to Club Med with colleagues. The trip was organized by my company so I don't see any reason not to go. Another reason is, I was excited because this is my return after 13 years. Nothing's changed. Only more things are extra charged now. Lolz... well, gotta keep up with the world I guess. I missed the special necklace where it's the exchange of cash. And you dont have to carry the cash around in there. Now it's changed to "Easy Card" where from my understanding, it works something like a credit card and they'll need your credit card for a RM1.5k of verification. Souvenir shop, spa treatment, and bar needs to pay. Fair enough.. The spa treatment isn't so worthy because I think you can find anywhere cheaper than there. It costs you RM200 for a 50 mins of Bali Massage :P Hehe..

I'll share some photos with y'all.. Hope they'll make you to feel interested to visit there. When you go, dont forget to invite me too! I didnt get to play much in there. My skin condition was acting up. Just before I took off to the highway my left arm was having rashes caused by unknown reason. So I brought a cream which I don't even know if it's working to ease the itch. The journey took us about 3.5 hours using the new highway, all the way from Genting highway to Kuantan - Kuala Terengganu. The rashes was worse on the 2nd day and I didnt even have the mood to play! >.<

Pantai Beach - the beach Club Med. Nice, clean, comfy, "wavy", windy... It's just so relax to sit there and listen to the ocean wave.. :)

Relaxing in this tomb beside the swimming pool also not bad.. How I wish my dear was there.. Kinda romantic to just fold ourselves inside.. hehehe

I cant complain much about the food there. Cant get a chance to be starving hahahaha. 13 years back I didnt get to enjoy much on the food because all I ate was lots of sausages (for my memory). Now, NEVA BABE!! hahahaa! The taste bud seducing cousine is in a variety from Chinese to Italian to Japan to Korean, to Malay to French, and some sweet sensations of ice creams and desserts. One more thing that's gonna make some people slurpping over is FREE FLOW BEER! Yeah right.. Enjoyed myself with a glass of beer and some wine.. Couldn't ask for more ;) Here are some of my food to share LOL..

Played basketball, archery, swimming, ping pong... I missed the trapaze, bungy bounce, aqua exercise, yoga exercise, Power walk, kayak, and ETC... ALL SORTS OF FUN GAMES!! geeezzz I'm gonna go again next year and making sure I'm in a perfect shape and condition! And I'm gonna get a pair of bikini!! Gosh looking at my 1-piece there really felt so out! hahahaha!!!

Nice post! Bull's Eye, not....

Beware of the monkeys there though.. Kinda big size and they're not afraid of human! Lots of them!!

That's it for now guys... I'm sure you're getting a hard time loading the pics. :) ciaoz..

.: Come & Go :.

People come, people go ... when you hope they stay long enough.. they tell you it's the time to say goodbye..

It's sad knowing 2 of my colleagues are leaving. I thought they found the current one is good for them.. But, as one is having a better option in life, one shall not stop Him from moving on..It wasn't the best company I've been under, I guess I still have more to learn before I leave. I'm glad I've known them, in fact the colleagues whom I'm having, I can't complain anything further.. They're jsut great. I like them!

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The anime that I'm so into it, One Piece, is slowly coming out with each of the latest episode. My brother is crazy over it as well so I'll always have the latest episode downloaded. It's a great story to watch, and to learn......

Every single character in the anime has something special : they maybe lousy in many ways, but there's one thing that they are so handy with -- they teach me to appreciate who I am and what I am.

Every one of them back each other's up : the friendship and the bonding among them is nothing in words that can described -- they teach me the correct way to treat friend and to people ( the ones that I dislike excluded, I'm still having stinky attitude towards them.=P)

Every one of them laughs from the heart, even for a small matter / for a silly thing that one's done -- they teach me to laugh when the situation is stressful and bad, for no matter how worry I am it wont loosen just because I'm worried. It will loosen when I face it with a light & open heart, and take appropriate action.

Every one of them need each other to go on in life : for one will never leaves another behind.. -- they teach me to be caring, for the society nowadays that people are too busy to even ask " how have you been?"

And many more ...

I just love the story. And love everyone of them. Luffy's character has taught me much. I've become more cheerful and open hearted, and open minded.

I will follow the story until the end :)

.: Happy Birthday Mom :.

Not today... last Sunday.. late to post it here.. Anywayz, 1 year older lar..wish my mom to continuously be a happy and a healthy bird! I love ya muaks muaks muaks!!! Dad was back to celebrate her birthday hehehe So we went to a place called Cosmic to have dinner. It's at Maple Suite, Jalan Changkat Raja Chulan.. I managed to take a pic of my food, others were too hungry they didnt wait for me to take pic T.T ...

Banana Chicken - really is 2 fried banana on top of the chicken.


And myself hahahaha