I know that this is gonna be a very long entry.. As there is something I need to tell my friends who's been frequently visiting to my blog..
Ended with my relationship 2-3 weeks ago. I know now opening it up seems to be obscene even maybe offensive to somebody but I guess it's the phase of life I've gotta face. And this is phase of life that I've gone through. And so I would like you, my friend, to know about it.
It's not easy. I'm not gonna bitch about how hard I felt though yeah I lost a few kgs through a weekend becoz of gastric reacting as I lost appetite to eat. I gave up the relationship becoz I found out there're things which we cant see eye to eye at. There is something I cant find the bonding with. there is something we dont have in common.... Age is.. something.. Always there is something to me. I'd bluffed myself that we can get over it as time goes by. And so as time goes by, finally I found out I just cant get over it. And thus I hurt him directly unintentionally. I'd also hurt myself through out. Relationship is not something you can take to experience with (but if you never try, you never know, so does devil speak.) I'm so selfishly taking it for myself and this guilt has never subside because I am guilty in experiencing it. I made up my mind and my heart to break it knowing it causes more pain in the future than now. I am now gradually hoping what I'm learning now helps to fade the guilt I'm having...
I thought I should have accepted all the punishments that God thinks I should for hurting another soul. Yet God sends me another angel. I am not gonna deny that there is a new hope in my life now. And this time as I learned my lesson very well, I eagerly dont want to step into any relationship in a rush. The angel that God sends has taught me very well about patience and understanding. He has taught me very well what I should be looking for in a relationship. The bonding, the admiration, the respect, the understanding, the maturity... all these are essential in a relationship. Love alone, is not sufficient.
I know relationships is something I find it for myself for the rest of my life. It is the decision I'm gonna make for myself. I've been advised for I wonder how many times from my close ones, I've been scolded... But, I still think there is hope for me. I'm not wrong in choosing whom I wanna be with for my entire life. Shall I be with somebody just because I will feel utterly guilty for leaving him? Shall I be with somebody just because I'm used to having him? Or shall I be with somebody whom I love with my entire heart and for him alone for the rest of my life?
I'm a devil as I hurt people's heart. I'm not good. I dont know if I'll ever deserve someone better. But there he is standing there with open arms. I know I should cherish.. And how I'm doing it is just to hold on and not bump my head blindly again to it. Because I value too much of this angel that God sent.
As for my health.. except losing few kgs, food poisoning added up to it that causes me to lose another few kgs that I'm now at my lowest weight level ever. I now weight 48 kg. Happy it is but it also causes people to worry. :) For a food lover as me, I'm sure I'll gain back.
To my babe Daniel, Zoe and Wendy. I miss you all very much. When things happen I just wish I can hold you all and cry over it. Pls do update me how are you now. I can always know how's Dan is doing by vising to his blog. Zoe and Wendy, Wendy especially, I worry to the utmost about you. I'm sorry I didnt find time to catch up with you. But I always have you in my mind and heart.
Zoe and Eric, thank you for accompanying me through my hardest moment. Your comments are much appreciated and considerable :) Thank you for supporting me no matter what shit and how bad is the shit that I've got myself into.
Havent I shared with you my lovely cousin sister pics? Her name is Crystal and she's just a heartthrob. She's 2 years old now. Learning to speak. A very naughty girl but she's irresistable :) I'm sure you'll love her when you meet her :) Here are some pics to share with you all.
taken a day at her house, I have no idea what's the animal hat she's wearing :)